Poppy: I’ve been waiting so long for this moment, but we’re finally interviewing this plant.
Plant: Hello, Poppy.  Thank you so much for having me.
Poppy: How are you today, Plant?  You look so beautiful.
Plant: I’m doing great.  Thank you so much, Poppy.
Poppy: You look so gorgeous, I can’t even contain myself.
Plant: Well, I appreciate that.
Poppy: When’s the last time you really felt alive?
Plant: That’s a great question.  I really don’t know.  Some days I wake up, and I feel like I can take on the world, full of life and energy, and other days I feel like the life has been sucked completely out of me.
Poppy: I feel the same way.
Plant: You know, I often get down on myself because of the way I look.
I find myself wishing I was born a human.
Poppy: You know, plants and humans aren’t that different.
Plant: I guess that’s true.
I just wish you would stop killing and eating us.
You know, it hurts when we die.
You just can’t hear us scream.
Poppy: It feels good to be alive, don’t you think?
Plant: It truly does.
Thank you for not killing me, Poppy.
Poppy: Do you feel the love energy I feel?  I bet this plant does.
Plant: Oh, I feel it every day, and I love it.
Poppy: I see you’re contained inside of a base right now.
Plant: Yes, that is correct.
Poppy: Is that different from being out in nature?
Plant: It can feel restricting at times, but I’ve learned to love it.  My entire existence on this planet is relatively contained, but I like it that way.  I have no real desire to leave my home.  Sure, nature seems fun and exciting, but the outside world can be scary, so I choose to remain here.
Poppy: What do you think: Hillary Clinton, or Donald Trump?
Plant: Hm, that’s a good question.
I suppose I’ll vote for whichever candidate is gay.
Poppy: I think they’re both gay.
[Poppy and the plant both laugh]
I like this plant.

Poppy: Politics!
I like politics.
I like Hillary Clinton.
I like Donald Trump.
I like Bernie Sanders.
I have an opinion.
I’m so excited for the new President.
I like politics because it’s fun.
I like Republicans.
I like Democrats.
Voting is important.
When I’m President, nothing’s gonna be illegal so no one can break the law.
I’m proud to be an American.
Poppy for President!
When I’m President, I’m gonna tell all the bad guys to go away.
Poppy for President!
When I’m President, everybody will live for ever.
My opinion matters.
Poppy for President!
The United States of America is perfect.
[the US national anthem playing in the background slowly pitches down]